Dear Chris,
I'm sorry I couldn't be the woman you wanted.
Sincerely,
Your Recently Ex-Girlfriend
We were perfectly un-perfect for each other, and I knew it from the beginning. The way he described his perfect woman was nothing like the way you would describe me, but I held on, thinking things would work out. Almost a year and a half passed before we finally came to this realization together. We sat down on his bed- our bed- and we talked about the things that worked and didn't work about "us"... mostly the things that didn't. I wouldn't say he broke up with me, or that I broke up with him, only that "we broke up". I cried and cried last night. Yes, this only happened yesterday, but I woke up at 6:30 this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. Whereas I finally got my mind to stop thinking about him long enough last night for my swollen eyes to let me drift asleep, it seemed impossible this morning.
By the time my best friend drove me home, my whole family already knew. And I already knew that the whole future I had planned out for myself was over. I could already see myself married to him. Having his children. Living in Santa Barbara... Chris, on the other hand did not. At least not with me. What am I going to do now? So much of what I have done in my life thus far has been for him. So I could prove myself to him... and to myself as well. I don't feel completely without purpose though. Because of him I finally feel like I have a direction in life.
I know this break-up was probably for the better for both of us, but I don't want it to be. I love him. I don't want to let him go. He says this isn't the end of us, just the end of our romantic relationship... but I don't know if I can. I gave him back his house key. That was one of the hardest things I had to do. I don't know if I can go back to his house again. There are too many memories there. How am I not supposed to look up the stairs to our bedroom and not imagine him with someone else up there...?
I'm shattered and broken and feeling so lost without him, but I refuse to break down again. I had to de-Chris my bedroom last night before I could sleep. Shove all his things into a trashbag to be returned... though I don't know when I'll be able to do that. Even when I thought I got all of it, right before I laid down I saw a picture on the wall from Disneyland- my birthday, our third month anniversary.
I really don't know where to end this post. I guess here is as good a place as any...
I'm sorry I couldn't be the woman you wanted.
Sincerely,
Your Recently Ex-Girlfriend
We were perfectly un-perfect for each other, and I knew it from the beginning. The way he described his perfect woman was nothing like the way you would describe me, but I held on, thinking things would work out. Almost a year and a half passed before we finally came to this realization together. We sat down on his bed- our bed- and we talked about the things that worked and didn't work about "us"... mostly the things that didn't. I wouldn't say he broke up with me, or that I broke up with him, only that "we broke up". I cried and cried last night. Yes, this only happened yesterday, but I woke up at 6:30 this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. Whereas I finally got my mind to stop thinking about him long enough last night for my swollen eyes to let me drift asleep, it seemed impossible this morning.
By the time my best friend drove me home, my whole family already knew. And I already knew that the whole future I had planned out for myself was over. I could already see myself married to him. Having his children. Living in Santa Barbara... Chris, on the other hand did not. At least not with me. What am I going to do now? So much of what I have done in my life thus far has been for him. So I could prove myself to him... and to myself as well. I don't feel completely without purpose though. Because of him I finally feel like I have a direction in life.
I know this break-up was probably for the better for both of us, but I don't want it to be. I love him. I don't want to let him go. He says this isn't the end of us, just the end of our romantic relationship... but I don't know if I can. I gave him back his house key. That was one of the hardest things I had to do. I don't know if I can go back to his house again. There are too many memories there. How am I not supposed to look up the stairs to our bedroom and not imagine him with someone else up there...?
I'm shattered and broken and feeling so lost without him, but I refuse to break down again. I had to de-Chris my bedroom last night before I could sleep. Shove all his things into a trashbag to be returned... though I don't know when I'll be able to do that. Even when I thought I got all of it, right before I laid down I saw a picture on the wall from Disneyland- my birthday, our third month anniversary.
I really don't know where to end this post. I guess here is as good a place as any...
Don't you ever think you are not good enough for anybody. We might have focused on what didn't work with us yesterday but I feel like you need to know what did work. We are both nerds/geeks, with too many similarities to count. We were able to share a couch in silence and just enjoy each others company. Talking with you never seemed hard in the least; I shared so much with you and vise versa, I can say we felt totally comfortable with each other and knew that no matter what was brought up, the other would be totally accepting of it. You challenged me every day, as I did you, but please don't take my challenges as criticism. I only cared about the direction in your life, more than you know. I cried too after you left, I regret you not seeing it. You need to know how much it hurts me to know that we wont be sharing our lives together; how much I deeply regret hurting you; how I am going to miss you every morning and every day. I am not going to purge my life of things from our relationship though, and I think neither should you. The calendar and the picture with goofy stay up. I am keeping all the relics from our relationship, not because I am clinging to the past, but because you made a significant impact on my life and who I am. Ashley, You changed me for the better and you have to know that. Your smile brightens up my day, The way you get excited about small things, I'm going to miss you. I look forward to the day when we can sit together with friends and hang out again. I will miss you so much, I love you.
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