Quote of the Month:

"The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing." - Walt Disney
{Past Quotes}

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

A Little Bit Of Closure

Tomorrow will be one week since Chris broke up with me. And this time I feel safe saying it like that. He broke up with me. The last time this happened a year and a half ago, I half way felt like it was a mutual decision. This is our second break up and I think that's what makes this time so much easier... of course in some ways it makes it harder.

It made it harder in the beginning because last time he took me back. Part of me kept thinking "he'll change his mind! He'll realize again that he does need me." And it made it easier because after we got back together last time I made the mental decision to not get back together with him if he broke my heart again.

The biggest thing that makes this time so much easier is because he finally admitted that I loved him more than he did. I have always felt like that throughout these three years, but I thought it was just my silly subconsciousness trying to make me feel insecure. After I got home that day we had a text message conversation and I finally told him it doesn't make sense. You can't say that you love me and that I am good enough for you and then say you don't see a future with me. That's when he told me that he didn't love me as much as I love him. That's what has helped me move on- what gave me my closure.

The first time he broke up with me I cried for 2 weeks straight. This time I was done crying over him on day 3. He crushed me on Thursday and by Saturday I was out of tears. This doesn't mean I'm fine, it just means that I feel like a black hole. There are no more tears left. Why waste tears on a man who doesn't want me? Who never needed me.

Friday night was probably the best post-break up night ever. I got a hair cut, bought a new dress, shoes, and belt. Then went out dancing at The Padre with two of my good friends, Alyssa and Rachel. We danced the night away until around midnight when the song "Single Ladies" by Beyonce came on. "If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it". And then it hit me like a brick wall. He should have put a ring on it. We went back to Alyssa's house and had a good long cry and when I woke up Saturday morning I was done crying.

I still get moments where I'll see something or remember something that reminds me about plans I had with him, and then remember that I'll never get to do them. It does make me sad, but I know that eventually I'll be better off without him.

And even with all that's been said, it's true, ignorance is bliss, and I still love him, and a part of me wishes I never went to his house that day. That none of this ever happened.

I just wanted to say thank you to all of my friends who've given a kind word or hug to me throughout all of this. The thought did run through my mind to just cut everyone off. All of our friends. I didn't want to see him, so I thought cutting all of you out would be a solution, but I love you guys too and right now I need all the friends I can get.

So thank you, for just being there when he wasn't.

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