My Mother's Eulogy

"This is my mother. -Hopefully- I loved her. Put me in the ground."

Ah, inside jokes. You know a joke is good when, after a few years, you can bring it up again and it still brings tears to your mother's eyes from laughing too hard. On Christmas, my sister, mom and I were standing in the kitchen, and the funeral for the school shooting was on the news. My mom got to talking about how she wants to be buried. She doesn't want a huge funeral, or for us to spend a lot a money or time on it. She just wants us to say "This is my mother." Hopefully, "I loved her". And then to be stuck in the ground. The way she said it, however, was "This is my mother. -Hopefully- I loved her. Put me in the ground." And of course my sister and I being who we are took her quite literally. I could go on and try to explain how funny it was, but that's what makes inside jokes so special isn't it?

This is just another one to add to the list of things that makes my mother cry (from laughing). There are a few things we can bring up or say with a funny voice (my precious...) that will leave her in tears. Inside jokes are what makes a family. Those little things that no one else will get... or will get, but just won't be that outstanding to them. Laughter (and sometimes tears) help keep a family together. A family who laughs a lot, loves a lot.

My sister and I aren't the closest, but when it comes to inside jokes, we can crack em like no other. My poor mom, it's like a tag team. Add in my brother and my mom stands no chance. You might think it's mean of us to gang up on my mom and make her cry, but when they're tears of joy- as long as she's not driving like that one time- she thanks us for it later :P

A

P.S.
I've not forgotten about my blog, I've just been too lazy to write out my ideas :P

Two Thousand Twelve

This year has been quite the year for me. It started out with a New Year's Post and is ending with a New Year's Post. I didn't succeed with all the goals I set out for myself this year, but I think I did pretty good. I did kind of move out- I lived in Santa Barbara for about 2 months or so. It was really great. I loved the freedom. The plan was to not move back in to my parent's home, but job hunting just didn't work out as I'd planned. This year has been full of ups and downs, just as I'm sure everyone's has been. I've learned a lot about myself and grown so much.

Highlights of 2012:

• Moved out (kinda)
• Got a job that I love (definitely)
• Bought myself a new laptop (as opposed to someone buying it for me)
• Bought my first smart phone!
• Photographed a wedding
• Photographed food for an online menu
• Built a website for my photography
• Got my first credit card
• Swam in the ocean!!
• Whitened my teeth
• Went to Disneyland! (Woot woot!)
• Survived my first year at CSUB

And, I'm still with the love of my life.

If you had met me a few years ago, you would have seen me as a shy girl who wasn't sure exactly where she was going in life. When I was interviewing for The Picture People, the manager, Jared, actually asked me, on a scale of 1 to 10, how outgoing are you? That is what really got me thinking about it. As I said in my post about The Art of Being Shy, I told him probably an 8, though ask me a couple of years ago and I probably would have said a 2.

I love my new job. I've grown a lot just being there. Not just as a photographer, but as a person. When I first started working there I was super nervous about messing up. This was different from all the other photography work I've done so far. People were coming there and expecting me to do my best. There wasn't any "Hey, I'm new to this, let's negotiate price." It was all "We're coming here and expecting quality work, you better dish it out." I am so much more confident talking to people and taking their photos now. I feel like I can do anything!... mostly :P

I love who I am today (except for the being sick part of course- throwing up is no fun). Moving out is still one of my goals. C'mon 2013! I think I will probably need another job however if I plan on moving out by January.

I don't like to think about it as "I've changed"; I like to think about it as "I've grown up."

Happy New Year!

A

(Late) Wordless Wednesday

A Christmas Wish

Dear Family,

I know being in such as large family like ours, it can be pretty impossible to like everyone. Not everyone gets along with everybody. That's just the way the world works. This Christmas, my wish is for us to get together and be civil with one another.

I know it's difficult, but sometimes we have to think beyond ourselves. Firstly, think of Grandma and Grandpa (Goldie and Gilbert that is). What a great Christmas present it would be to them to have everyone there for Christmas this year. We hate to think it, but you never know when their last Christmas will be... Wouldn't it be great to have everyone gather around the table this year? To let them know we're still a family?

Second, think of your children and the example you set for them. Think of how great it would be to show them that, even though you might not get along very well, you can still have a wonderful holiday. I know it's easier sometimes to just say whatever is on your mind- no matter who it hurts, but wouldn't you rather spend a day that is all about love and forgiveness, loving and forgiving?

I was there on Thanksgiving this year. The table was tense, and there were things said that shouldn't have been. It was nice having the few that were there there, but the feeling just wasn't quite right.

A lot has been said and done on all sides- that much is true. But this Christmas, if we could all just think before we speak, put aside our differences, and be there for the ones we love, we could really pull this off. This post is not meant to make anyone mad or point fingers at anyone- it is just a girl's plea to her family to be civil to one another this year. Come to Christmas with a smile on your face, and think of others before yourself. If everyone can do this, then no one will have to have a bad holiday this year.

Please family.
I love all of you. If not for me, do it for Goldie and Gilbert. We might not be able to love each other unconditionally, but you have to believe that they do. I hope this message comes across the way I mean it to.

Merry (Almost) Christmas,

A

The Art of Being Shy

Any shy person could tell you how difficult it is to be shy… or I suppose anyone who used to be shy could tell ya. Haha. It’s not easy. In order to be shy, you have to be able to maneuver around anything that might draw attention to you. You have to be super stealthy.

How do I know this? Because I used to be shy of course! When I first starting going out with Chris two and a half years ago, I was super shy. Okay, maybe not super shy, but I was shy enough to be socially awkward and not know what to do with myself in large groups of people. When you’re shy, the best thing you can do is find a corner and sit in it- be a wallflower.

So how does one master the art of being shy? Like so: walk silently. If no one hears your footsteps, they won’t notice you and try to make conversation- you can slip by undetected. When in a strange house, never make any noise when opening: doors, cabinets, drawers, etc. If you can’t find something (say in the kitchen), don’t ask someone about it! Just open all the cabinets as quietly as possible until you find it. Why quietly? Because you don’t know if that someone whose kitchen you’re looking in wants you snooping about trying to find things in their kitchen!

Don’t make eye contact with people. Making eye contact will only encourage people to try to talk with you. If you want something, don’t just simply ask for it, ignore it at all costs and wait for it to be offered to you- then silently say, “yes please,” and take it with a “thank you.” If it isn’t offered to you, you’re tough out of luck.

So basically, if you’re shy, you have to be quiet- in all things you do. Because you never know what the wrong sounds might be. What if you make a joke, and no one thinks it’s funny? What if someone says a joke and you don’t get it?! If you’re shy, you’re already quiet so no one will notice if you laugh quietly- they won’t assume you didn't get it.

My life was so much harder when I was shy. I can now talk to people- even random strangers! I did so today in Sears! There was a lady looking at sweater-dresses and I started up a conversation with her. I started the conversation with her. It’s very exciting when you notice a change in yourself like that. One of the things I was asked in my interview at the Picture People was how I would rate myself on the shyàoutgoing scale. He seemed surprised when I said probably 8- but I used to be like a 2.

One thing that I remember the most about my shy self was my first (?) trip to Santa Barbara. I was meeting a lot of Chris’ friends and Kyle (one of the most outgoing guys ever) introduced himself to me. I said hi and he asked “You’re shy aren’t you?” Tell me, how exactly is a shy person supposed to answer  that question? Lol. “Yes I’m shy” but in order to say that you have to not be shy, which would make the answer false! I just kinda smiled with a slightly confused/startled look on my face and nodded.

Guys, don’t expect an answer if you ask a shy person if they’re shy!  Ask me that question now and you’ll get an answer, but it won’t be a yes! So happy to be where I am now in my life.

A